Making choices
Today, I’m sharing a remarkable story with you, one about making choices, courage, daring, and acknowledging that sometimes you can’t do it alone.
He sits at the table, his head slumped as if broken; speaking in a weary voice with dull eyes, he begins his story. I listen.
‘I feel tired and emotionally numb. My mind is exhausted, yet it’s working overtime.
As a result, I feel increasingly drained, and I can no longer find joy in the things I used to enjoy.’
‘An incident occurred during my work as an ambulance nurse that affected me so deeply I snapped, like a twig breaking off a tree.
I don’t understand it; how could this happen? I’ve been doing this job for over twenty years.’
‘I don’t want to be a colleague who isn’t there 100%, nor do I want to be a nurse who can’t fully care for patients.’
He looks at me with sad eyes: ‘You know, the work I love so much has damaged me. If I keep going, the damage might become irreparable, and that helps no one, not at work, not at home, and certainly not me.
It’s beautiful work, tough at times, but also so special. You really make a difference; it always gave me a sense of fulfillment, but not anymore.’
‘With a heavy heart and tears in my eyes, I’ve decided to stop now. I cannot, and will not, go out on the job for the time being.’
‘I can still project a positive image of myself, but that’s not how I feel inside anymore. I’m not to blame for the incident, yet it affects me so deeply that I feel I can no longer be myself.’
‘I don’t understand what’s happening to me, inside and in my head. Still, voicing it and acknowledging it brings some relief.
Something needs to be done, can you help me?’
We talk further and conclude together that I am not the right person for this; a trauma psychologist is needed.
Scars on your soul, some run deeper than others.
It takes courage to see and acknowledge that. To find your way back to who you really are. It requires time, trust, and peace. Time to heal.
To slowly clear away the mist before your eyes.
Perhaps you recognize something in this story; maybe the step toward seeking help feels too big, or you’re afraid of it… don’t wait too long, or you might snap like a twig.
Sharing is the first step.
No matter how difficult it was, this ambulance nurse chose to work with a trauma psychologist, and things are moving in the right direction, step by step. We still speak occasionally. It is a profound story, but he wanted me to share it. ‘If I could help just one person with it…’ Caring for others, it’s in his nature, even now.